Friday, December 17, 2010

Down the rabbit hole kiddies!

Although I'm not a fan of bunnies, flowers and butterflies, the thing that most drew me to mod-ing this kit was the already present bizarreness of it. Perhaps the original pic to too small to show you what I mean.

Yep, this is a close up of the rabbit, stitched exactly as the kit instructs. That is one creepy-ass smile and glare. One good look at creeper rabbit makes you really start the question the kit as a whole. You'd think with a phrase like "All things are possible with God" you'd have some motivational rainbows or birds or shit like that. Not a bunny that looks like he is plotting a forest coup. I much as I would like to leave this as is and interpret this kit to mean that God will make it possible for me to have an army of evil ninja rabbits, I decided it make it make a little more sense.

Bam! You didn't see a pun coming did you? I hate puns as much as anyone else but this was just too perfect.

P.S. You're damn right I added another butterfly!
P.P.S. Hope little Peter Creeper Tail doesn't haunt you in your dreams.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Decisions, decisions

I couldn't pass up this kit and the sheer craziness of its image. It's done minus the words and I haven't quite found the right phrase to do it justice. If you've got any ideas for this one leave it in the comments section. Who knows I could select your phrase and you could win the personal satisfaction that I felt your phrase was inappropriately hilarious.

Q: Why is this dolphin wearing sunglasses? I mean how much sun do you get underwater?
A: The sun never sets on a bad ass.

Friday, December 10, 2010

I've got 99 problems and a bitch is one.

A cute animal and a pun! What a lovely item for a retired women to hang in the bathroom of her summer lake cottage. It's cool for the grandkids to see it because there's a dog and it's not really swearing. Who could ask for more of a kit? Oh yes, I could. I admit this isn't a terribly clever rephrasing, but they can't all be spectacular folks.

Also, I would apologize for the lapse in updates but.... 1) this shit takes a while to finish, 2) I've had other shit to do, 3) I'll make it up to you with a bunch of updates in the next few weeks. So I guess what I'm saying is: I'm not sorry.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Happiness is... a pretty subjective thing.

Cutesy border, flowers, bunnies, lovey-dovey sayings. Awwww. Too bad those rabbits don't quite look like they are super excited about marriage. It looks more of a 'we just won something sweet on The Price is Right' sort of happiness. What could these bunnies be so damn happy about? I think I know...

A couple that kills together enjoys spousal testimonial privilege together. I'm lucky that my best friend finds this hilarious instead of finding it a reason to have me evaluated.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

So Girly!!!

I'm not totally sure why I was so annoyed by this kit. I think part of the annoyance comes from how it is marketed for exactly the 10 year old girl that I was not. Flowers! Pink! Butterflies! Girrrrrrl Power! meh. No thanks. Also, WWAC?: when were acronyms cool? Never.

The other thing that irked me was that this kit just seems so calculated. "Great Minds Think Alike"? It just seems a bit over the top for the age group this is aimed at. What young girl is seriously going to buy this, stitch it and hang in up in her iCarly themed bedroom? Well since I found this in the clearance section of the craft store, I'm going to say very few.

My guess is this is more of something that women would gift to young girls. It might quell their inner feminist in that it has an uplifting gender/racial equality message in addition to being soooooo girly!

P.C.ness be damned this kit needed some help.

The alternate text idea for this was: RHBL Racial Harmony Begins with Lesbians.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Track suits look even better in tiny x's

Oh women! They love shopping and bitching about exercise. It's not sexist because it's true.

As offensive as this was to start with, I decided that this text wasn't really working.

If you have to single-handedly save the economy by maxing out your credit cards on track suits you'd be hauling ass too.

Hello dear internet friends and welcome to my blog.

Well now that we got that nicety crap out of the way let me tell you what's going on.

There's two things that you need to know about me:
1) I enjoy cross stitching
2) I'm a bit maladjusted

This blog is what happens when those two things come together. I take counted cross stitch kits and make them better.

It seems like most designs out there are of lighthouses, kittens, bible verses, or quaint sayings. That'd be great- if I were 84 years old. So in order to feed my cross stitching habit without wanting to stab myself in the eye (with a tiny blunted needle) I've taken to modifying the text of these kits. This seems to be a great fix for me in that:

1) I have a lot of inappropriate things to say
2) I'm too lazy to come up with the designs myself. (Subversive Cross Stitch is the site for that sort of deviousness)

Regards bitches,