Monday, November 27, 2017

What is your spaghetti policy here?

Before- Bird Law
I don't have too much to say about the before on this one. This original is pretty boring. Muted colors. Vague text. Also this makes two religious originals in as many posts, so I'm going to tread lightly to hopefully not increase my potential lightning strike odds. The thing I will say about this original  is that I've been sitting on this one for a while. There were a couple of directions I was thinking of taking the text, but generally nothing seemed to be quippy enough to fit in the allotted space. Finally the text dawned on me.

After- Bird Law
If you aren't familiar with the TV show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia this mod is probably very confusing for you. Actually this blog is probably pretty confusing for you. IASIP is a national treasure at this point. Let's add it to the list of prerequisites for liking this site. (So far the list is: 1) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and now 2) IASIP.) Now that we've established the importance of IASIP let us reflect on the mod.  It seems nothing these days is governed by reason so perhaps we should revert/evolve to Bird Law. Bird Law isn't the kind of law we have right now, but it's the kind of law we need. And if you're going to go with Bird Law, you should probably use the best god damn bird lawyer in the world.

Here at Cross Stitching for Cross People we run this ship pretty lean. Just me, the Maladjusted One, and my esteemed artistic director, the Fluffy One. We had some artistic differences on how the photos for this post would go. In the end, we took it in my direction, but I thought I would share one of the outtakes with all of my many (three-ish?) readers.

I'm sure you've all assumed it, but here's confirmation that yes most of the projects here have touched a butt. Speaking of inappropriate touching, my next post.... it's gonna be huuuuuuuge. Believe me. The lying media doesn't want you to know it's going to be one of the greatest- no the greatest mod of all time.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Hold onto your butts!

Bible verse counted cross stitch kits. It's in the top 5 categories of stuff I see when I go a huntin' for new material. The other 4 categories are, in no particular order: 
  • Christmas crap
  • commemorative gift crap
  •  lighthouse/nautical crap
  • extremely large portraits of dragons/wolves/horses/etc
Bible verse counted cross stitch kits seem pretty ideal for my nefarious purposes as they usually have a pretty big empty spot to work with but unfortunately they have one setback. The WTF?!? test. (previously covered here) It's not so much that they fail the test, but that the answers tend to be things like: "people or deities that would like to see me smited/smote." My hair is frizzy enough as it is- I don't need an intentional lightning strike.

So that's the tale of why I have stayed away from the Bible verse kits... until now. I finally planned one so perfect that even God himself would at least pin it to a secret board. 


What makes this one so special? The possibility for expansion. This was the first kit that I had the idea for the finished phrase before I actually had the kit. I knew I would need a ton of text room so I got this one with the intention of expanding the flowery frame. It was a pain in the ass. Also the back stitching of the flowers (and then my extra flowers) was a pain in the ass. 

Behold even more!

I teased SLJ and some stitched m- effers in a previous post but unfortunately this quote is severely lacking the swears. Perhaps another time. For now just continue all of your beholding. This kit works as a parody of the original and it enjoyable by itself too. I even did a zillion french knots and didn't drop as many m-effers as usual. Overall a win of a mod. 

2017 is looking to be a record setting year for the MO in terms of posts. I mean, it's mostly a dumpster fire otherwise, but completed kits/post wise it's looking pretty good. I hope you get as much solace from looking at these as I get from making them. I also hope that in the not so distance future we both get some new solace from somewhere where it is always sunny. (not subtle winky face)

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Work work work work work work

Whoa. I'm really picking up the pace here. Under a year this time. If only you all knew how long this one has sat finished but not posted... Oh well. On we go!

Being maladjusted shockingly doesn't pay the bills. And very few people not named Oprah truly love their jobs. For too many years I had a job that I liked certain aspects of (i.e. cash money) while disliking essentially working in a live Dilbert cartoon partially staffed with Dementors. So when I saw this kit, it immediately spoke to me. I knew what to do with it. I gladly handed over my painstakingly earned $3.99 and furiously began a stitchin'. Somewhere in between then and now I changed jobs. There is smiling at the new place. And surprise pizza parties. My progress on the kit slowed as I no longer had the daily work rage to motivate me. I eventually did power through and then stopped short of posting until.... today.

Let me just point out some of the items I found relatable in the original:
  • Similar bad hair
  • Having to work on an old ass computer
  • General look of soul-crushed dead-ness
  • Cardigans
Unrelatable items:
  • Floppy hat and umbrella? I feel like it should be a one or the other situation. Or in my case neither.
I drew my inspiration for the mod from the third part of my coping trifecta- humor (the other parts being bourbon and cross stitching). 

It's hard to see (because of my poor photography skills) but I assure you that she still has the sad little thread mouth that the original has. 

It's safe to assume that anyone who has read this far is likely already familiar with the vast filmography of Will Ferrell, but I will nonetheless include the following video for reference purposes and because it makes me laugh. Every. Time.

Luckily, (for you- not me) every time I see any current events nowadays I am increasing my stores of  maladjustedness. Time to make America great(ly filled with little tiny Xs) again,

P.S. So many french knots! Like a boss!
P.P.S. Next mod will feature some Samuel L. Jackson. Hold onto your butts!