Cats? On the Internet? What a shock....

Remember how years ago I refused to apologize for taking a long break between posts and noted that it would likely happen again? Well past self definitely knew how future/present self operates. Hopefully taking a few years off between posts will further decrease my blog readership. This blog is appropriate for absolutely no one, so I guess you could say that I'm doing the internet a favor by being intermittently productive.

If you've ever thought "Hey the MO, how to you decide which projects to take on?" then today is your lucky day. I'll give you a little insight into my process/madness. Here's some of the stringent criteria each project must meet:

• easy to obtain
• If I can buy it while wearing pajamas it's a go. So ebay for sure. Also several craft chain stores that shall remain nameless. Also also the Salvation Army/Goodwill (where pajamas are almost too dressy)
•  it must be counted cross stitch. 
• Stamped kits are a no go. Otherwise you'd see all of that dumb stamping around my sweet changes
• it must be cheap as hell
• it must pass the wtf?!? test. wtf in this context meaning "who?!? the five questions":

1. who would manufacture this?!?
2. who would pay for this?!?
3. who would take time to make this?!?
4.  who would display this?!?
5. who the hell was this intended for?!?

 Want an example of something that exceeded my high standards, especially for its wtf-ishness? Feast your eyeballs on this mess:

Just soak it all in. I had an idea right away for the text but at first I was a little reluctant to do it. 1) it seemed a little risque 2) it involved making that yellow box a bit bigger & that would require more work on my part. Eventually I decided- to hell with it. It's time to take my depravity to the next, and inevitable level.

 I went back and forth on whether to do google in black or in google colors. I went with colors since, although harder to see, would be more google-y. This kit appears to be part of some sort of series, "Pet Peeves." If I can find any of the others in this series (with little to no effort of course) that would be great.

Well see you 5 years bitches!

Just kidding. I actually have another post ready to go.

P.S. If you have any particularly snarky or witty answers to the wtf?!? test questions feel free to leave them in the comments section. I suppose you could apply the test to either the original kit or my mod with equally hilarious results.

Can I haz u call 911?

Hello again to anyone who happens to read this. So I've taken another long hiatus again. I would apologize and say it won't happen again, but those would be lies. It's been a busy 7 months or so since I posted last. And when I wasn't busy I was often (usually) too tired (lazy) to toil away on my cross stitching for my adoring (non-existent) fanbase.

I am 3/4 of the way done with a project that will probably be even more awesome than the one I am posting now. I also plan on finishing up a couple more projects that just need text (like the drugged out dolphin one, ideas still welcome). These claims of fast approaching blog posts may in fact not be lies, as the next season of dexter just came out on dvd and nothing melts my icy heart like crafting to dexter (or hearing a cool island song).

Now onto the maladjusted-ness:

Motivational posters, bumper stickers, books, speakers and cross stitches do not (surprising absolutely no one) motivate me. Add cats into the mix and I've reached a stage of demotivation:




Hang in there?!? This cat could be hanging over a pile of sharks or lava or chuck norris and the only advice you have for it is "hang in there"? If you were truly concerned for the safety and well being of this animal more appropriate text could include: "Try to roll a bit when you land so as not to shatter your legs" or "Well at least you'll have 8 lives left."

I don't think this cat is feeling the suggestion that it just hang in there. The expression on its face is definitely not hopeful optimism that its situation will improve. It's more of a Les Miserables-esque expression that sometimes perhaps life just sucks for a prolonged period of time and then you die.

I thought this kit could be improved by a little phrase I was introduced to in the last few years:


Note: No animals were harmed in the making of this cross stitch, although the itteh bitteh kitteh committeh tried to censure my sweet ass for it.