Friday, February 13, 2015

Someone needs to take it easy with the Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters...

Two posts in as many days? Don't get used to it dear readers. I actually took some time to look around on blogger and learned 2 things. 1) I can schedule posts to be published  (hence I am writing this on Wednesday and posting this on Friday whilst the real the MO is in the middle of a 16.5 hour work day.) and 2) blogger tracks my traffic sources. 

Apparently there has been some traffic from pinterest. I have not pinned anything from this site but am really curious to see what has been pinned. I did some lazy pinterest searches for things like cross stitch & rabies and cross stitching & fml and didn't come up with anything. I feel like the prime audience for pinterest is middle aged teachers (no offense Mr. the MO!), stay at home moms who enjoy making things out of pallets, and people planning weddings. I don't know what this blog would have to offer any of them. Oh well. If you do see any of this on pinterest lemme know.

On to the good stuff. This kit was yet another love/morbid fascination at first sight. 


Why would a dolphin need a floaty? Or sunglasses? Or a lei? My guess is in the post title... Despite having no good reasons for any of what is wearing this dolphin is looking fancy as fuck. That's why I thought it was deserving of a hot bitches label. This kit had been in the nearly done stage for a long time. Then the right text finally hit me.

Once again, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy explains everything. Everything. If you have never read or heard of h2G2, then you (my former friend) and I are "fucking done, professionally." (if I might be so bold as to quote Batman.)

Alternative texts for this mod were as follows:
  • "When life gives you trouble.. blow blow!"
    • underwater cocaine didn't seem to really work.
  • "Looks like someone needs more Haldol!"
    • free drug marketing? nope. even I have standards.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Cats? On the Internet? What a shock....

Remember how years ago I refused to apologize for taking a long break between posts and noted that it would likely happen again? Well past self definitely knew how future/present self operates. Hopefully taking a few years off between posts will further decrease my blog readership. This blog is appropriate for absolutely no one, so I guess you could say that I'm doing the internet a favor by being intermittently productive.

If you've ever thought "Hey the MO, how to you decide which projects to take on?" then today is your lucky day. I'll give you a little insight into my process/madness. Here's some of the stringent criteria each project must meet:
  • easy to obtain
    • If I can buy it while wearing pajamas it's a go. So ebay for sure. Also several craft chain stores that shall remain nameless. Also also the Salvation Army/Goodwill (where pajamas are almost too dressy)
  •  it must be counted cross stitch. 
    • Stamped kits are a no go. Otherwise you'd see all of that dumb stamping around my sweet changes
  • it must be cheap as hell
  • it must pass the wtf?!? test. wtf in this context meaning "who?!? the five questions":
    1. who would manufacture this?!?
    2. who would pay for this?!?
    3. who would take time to make this?!?
    4.  who would display this?!?
    5. who the hell was this intended for?!?
 Want an example of something that exceeded my high standards, especially for its wtf-ishness? Feast your eyeballs on this mess:

Just soak it all in. I had an idea right away for the text but at first I was a little reluctant to do it. 1) it seemed a little risque 2) it involved making that yellow box a bit bigger & that would require more work on my part. Eventually I decided- to hell with it. It's time to take my depravity to the next, and inevitable level.

 I went back and forth on whether to do google in black or in google colors. I went with colors since, although harder to see, would be more google-y. This kit appears to be part of some sort of series, "Pet Peeves." If I can find any of the others in this series (with little to no effort of course) that would be great.

Well see you 5 years bitches!

Just kidding. I actually have another post ready to go.

P.S. If you have any particularly snarky or witty answers to the wtf?!? test questions feel free to leave them in the comments section. I suppose you could apply the test to either the original kit or my mod with equally hilarious results.